For Charlotte...

I'm a little tired of the "it's mine business" and the stubborn streak I see in you. The last 2 weeks you have been very adamant about saying "it's mine!", "No!", and you don't like to say I'm sorry for any of your actions.

This is a reminder for me that we all have sin in our heart and so I pray for wisdom on how to make you aware of the sin of disobedience. I still love you---and I always will---But seriously---I'm over it.

You still crack me up though...

I love you...my little stinker!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...

Dearest Charlotte,
Today mommy is sad. It seems like the last couple of days I've heard one sad thing after another. I've heard family and friends go through some really tough things and I don't know what to say. I'm filled with sadness, fear, anxiety and many other emotions. I have no idea how to comfort them. I can't think of anything to say that will really mean anything or even bring them comfort. It is an awful feeling. When I have days like this I immediately think of you and of how one day you'll grow up and you'll experience trouble, problems, and anxiety. There will be things you experience that I won't even know about. Things you'll keep from me because you don't know how to tell me, or how I'll react. The truth is...I shudder to think that you won't be able to share with me and that you'll go through things without my help. You need to know that you can tell me anything and I'll love you and I'll do everything in my power to help but in case you choose not to include me---there is one thing you need to know today---when I'm pretty certain you're not going through anything major---other than the pain and annoyance of teething.
Here it is...
I won't have all the answers. I may not know what to say to you or to my friends and family that are going through things that I would never want to experience---but I know someone who can help. Someone who has all the answers (even though they may not always be revealed) and that is our precious Father in heaven. He's the only one who can bring you comfort and He's the only one that will never fail you. Remember this verse, honey---remember this when you're all alone and when you're sad, scared, or anxious.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged for the Lord, your God, will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

There are not many things I can promise---but I can promise you that!

I love you my angel.

Love,
Mommy

To my friends and family that are experiencing grief and sorrow (you know who you are)---I love you. I'm sorry I can't make it better. I'm sorry that you're going through this painful time but please remember and believe the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go!

A New Year's Challenge...definitely underway

I wanted to give you all a quick update on how my New Year's challenge is coming along. It's been a few days since I posted and here's how it's going.

1. I memorized the first 2 verses for 2009. The first is John 16:33---"These words I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world!"
I also learned Ephesians 5: 1-2--- "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love as Christ also has loved us and gave Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifce to God for a sweet smelling aroma." (Just for the record these verses were both typed from memory. Woo hoo!)

2. Being a better wife---well, I haven't packed his lunches this week but I did send him loving and supportive texts and spoke kindly to him.

3. Being a better mommy--I fought through all the tiredness and enjoyed my evenings with Charlotte.

4. Balance--I accepted Raresh's help in cleaning the house which gave me more time to take care of other errands. This past weekend I managed to balance time with family, friends, and I even polished my fingernails. I feel that's pretty good balance for this week.

5. Forgiveness--I didn't beat myself up (too much) for not doing everything I set out to do in this challenge. I know every day is a new beginning.

6. Working less--No change there but I'm still being positive about it and I'm learning to be faithful in prayer and patient in waiting. Key word is learning. I'm having a rough Monday morning.

7. Living each day as if it were my last--I didn't really do anything meaningful as if it were my last day, but I have been more aware of how short life is and I'm trying to make the most of the time I have. Having that awareness and reminding yourself of it, does help prioritize things.

One area I definitely need to work on is doing things that build people up not tear them down. I hope next week I can have better reports on this one.

Well, week one of 2009 turned out pretty good. I'm grateful. Very very grateful.

A New Year...a new challenge

This 2009 I am asking for prayer from my dear friends and family. I have a few things on my mind that I want to accomplish and I figure by writing it down, I can reflect on it later and see how I'm doing.

Some goals and plans of action.
1. I want to memorize scripture.
My plan of action: I will learn the weekly bible verses given in our church bulletin.

2. I want to be a better wife.
Plan of action: Pray for Raresh more, support his work and be more understanding of his long hours. Cook more and pack his lunches. Speak kindly to him, submit to him, and tell him what a wonderful provider he is and how every day God gives me with him is a gift words can't measure.

3. Be a better mommy.
Plan of action: Pray for Charlotte's needs now and for her future needs. Stick to the routines I've made for her. Sing to her more. Read to her more. Play with her more. Not allow the long days and tiredness to cause me to miss out on the fun and joy she brings to my life.

4. Balance time with family, friends, work, chores and me time.
Plan of action: Family--The days Raresh doesn't work are family days.
Friends--The days he does work is the time I schedule time with friends.
Work--Wake up and go--and try to find the joy in it.
Chores--Take advantage of Raresh's willingness to help around the house.
Me--Once Charlotte is asleep, pamper myself.

5. Forgiveness
Plan of action: First off, I need to forgive myself for the days I don't complete everything on my list. I need to remember, some days are really hard and I need to stop focusing on what I didn't accomplish but on what I did.

6. I don't want to work full time.
Plan of action: Save! Save! Save! and pray that the Lord would provide a way for me to work less, work from home some of the time, or stop working altogether. Be patient and consistent in prayer about this.

7. and most importantly---I want to live my days as if Jesus is returning today.
Plan of action: Choose my words carefully, love and forgive those that are hard to love and forgive, eliminate the things that don't build me or someone else up. Tell others about Jesus.

I realize these are huge things to accomplish but #5 is going to get me through the days I don't do so well. (How smart of me to include that #5, huh?)

What do you want to do this year?

Envy

Hi all, just a note on something very important I learned last Sunday at church. I know many of you have heard or read that I've been bummed out at my situation of having to go back to work. I'm even sad to admit I've been darn right envious of others that get to stay home. At first I put on a brave face and was committed to being an example for my family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. I tried to emphasize the postives of my situtaion. Things like, my daughter will get to spend time with her grandparents (something I never got to do), she'll learn Romanian (more importantly correct Romanian), being back at work will make me treasure my moments with her more and so forth and for a while I felt content---then I allowed myself to start those very unpopular pity parties (you know the ones where no one else shows up but you!) I started to feel resentment toward my wonderful husband who is so helpful and loving and a wonderful partner to me and a terrific daddy to Charlotte. I hated feeling that way. I asked others to pray for me in that respect and as always God is so faithful. He puts us in places and communicates to us if we only stop and listen.

This brings me to Sunday. The sermon was on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I've read this passage many many times before but on Sunday when the emphasis was on envy--I was ashamed. Here I am, blessed beyond words and I want more. Here I am, with example after example of God's goodness and I'm feeling resentment because of my situation. It was exactly the message I needed. So here are the 3 ways we can all deal with envy in our lives:

1. Remember God determines what we all have!

God purposes and permits what we have. All that we receive is from our good and faithful Lord. I need to be content in the ways the Lord chooses to bless me. I'm his creation and it is His sovereign right to do what he wishes with me and my family.

2. Appreciate what you have already!

I need to remember that happiness is not having more---it's enjoying more of what you have. And you know what??--I have quite a bit to be happy for. Too many to count!

3. Stop making comparrisons!

God made us all different and so there is absolutely no point in comparing ourselves to anyone else.

Maybe you don't struggle with envy---but you know what?--I didn't think I struggled with it either. Take a moment and think about it, you might find there are some areas in your life where you can be more content with your situation rather than wishing for more.

Charlotte, because this post is labeled thoughts for you---I just want you to remember this: Don't be jealous of others. Jealousy and envy divides while love unites and builds others up!!!

My goodness you're cute...so here's a big kiss!

Love and Hate---so soon

Hi all--today I realized that at just 3 months old (almost) little Charlotte already has some things she loves and hates...

The Love list first...
1. Sleep---this kid loves her sleep (thank you Lord!)
2. Bath time---looks like that's another thing she got from daddy--little miss swimmer.
3. Her grandparents...they totally make her smile.
4. Our ceiling fan---his name is zippy and he always makes her smile.
5. Her swing--who wouldn't love that awesome thing?

The Hate list...(the following items listed are sure ways to get this kid to cry--& I do mean cry!)
1. Whistling--well only when Raresh does it.
2. Velcro opening
3. Our Steam Shark (crazy little machine that steam cleans tile and stove tops and stuff)
4. The suction tool to clean her boogies out.

It is so nice to see how our little darling is already developing a personality with very obvious likes and dislikes. I can't wait to see what else you surprise us with

Thoughts on motherhood 6 weeks in...

6 weeks ago today a very pregnant and anxious Linda became Mama Linda at 1:20am! What a wonderful day that was for us Isais. Since that day life gets only better and better. Everyone tells you---having kids changes everything but it's a good change---well you know what...they were all right! I wouldn't trade my new life and my new little baby for anything in the world. Daddy and I are just nuts about you! Some of my favorite things about motherhood are holding your tiny little body and seeing your big eyes look up at me. I have so many wonderful dreams for you little Charlotte. I imagine you crawling, walking, talking, going to school, driving, getting your first job, falling in love, getting married and having your own kids. It's amazing how quickly time will fly but I am trying to enjoy every moment that I have with you. I can't wait to hear your little voice and the very funny things you will say one day. In fact, the other day it was about 4am and I was feeding you and then I got this thought of how in that very moment you were perfectly happy and content in my arms. You felt safe and protected and you wanted to be there--(mostly cause you were hungry) but one day--you'll be all grown up and you won't even remember to call me. Oh how my heart breaks just thinking of it---but that's how life goes. You're my responsibility right now but one day I'll have to let you go. The beauty of this life is that although---I'll have to let you go and live your own life we can still be close and I hope with all my heart that we will be.

Now on to some of the things I never thought I'd do before I became a mom--(these are in no particular order)

1. Smile with excitement when I see you've pooped! (Hey it's my only way of knowing you're eating enough)

2. Ride in the back seat while Raresh chaufers us around.

3. Go days and weeks without polishing my finger nails.

4. Pump my breastmilk while checking emails. (Guess what I'm doing as I write this entry???)

I'm sure there are many other things I've changed that I don't even realize at the moment but all of it has been the best adventure of my life. I can't wait to see how my life continues to change for the better with each day that passes. Love you little Charlo!

My little Minny Mouse Sound asleep and oh so precious!
I caught you smiling while you're dreaming. (What could you possibly be dreaming about?)
Alert as ever...

Daddy loves to hear mommy sing...

Charlotte,
Do you have any idea how many people already love you?! A LOT! Mommy is going to have 3 different baby showers just for you. We have the Romanian church one, the Cerritos work one, and the close friends one hosted by Auntie Rachel. It is so nice to have so many close friends share in this amazing experience as well as helping mommy and daddy out with some much needed baby items and gifts for you!

Well, in preparation for the Romanian church shower, mommy had to come up with some hymns to sing during the event to help the evening flow from one part to the next (very commom for a Romanian church shower). I figured I needed your daddy's input for this task. As we were going through the Romanian song book we have at home, I started singing the songs to your dad to remind him of which ones they were. We picked out 4 for the evening that truly are our favorites. Then out of the blue your daddy says to me, "I love listening to you sing!" How cute is that? Between you and me I think he's a little biased but it's still nice to hear that daddy thinks I'm talented in that way. Honestly, honey I hope you'll like mommy's voice. I've been singing to you for a while now and I'm not quite sure if you like the sound or if you're begging for me to stop. I guess we'll see when you get here. Daddy also reminded me that before we were married I sang to him once. (I can't believe I forgot I did that---I must have loved your daddy longer than I let on to let down my guard and sing to him.)
Just for the record and in case you ever wonder my favorite songs that I've been singing to you are:

• Be Thou My Vision (an Old Irish Hymn)
• In Christ Alone (a more popular one--Even the Newsboys have a version of that song) and
• Cand Isus Hristos ma Mantuit (my favorite Romanian hymn of all time!)

I'm sure one day, you'll hear these songs and you'll automatically love them because mommy has been singing them to you for so long. I can't wait to teach you these songs so you can sing them to daddy. If he loves my voice---he'll just melt when he hears yours!

I love you sweetie...8 more weeks to go!