The day we almost lost Charlotte

On Friday, August 5th I had to face and experience something that every parent dreads---their child having a near death experience. I've been haunted by that afternoon for a few days now and I feel like the best way to move on is to share the ordeal and then do nothing but send praises and thanksgiving to our precious Father in Heaven!

Here are the ugly details that I hope will help me finally heal.

It was about 4pm and my sister, Joanne and I had just said goodbye to some of my previous coworkers from Cerritos. They had been visiting all day and we had a wonderful time. Charlotte was her typical little entertainer--cracking us up. My sister was basically acting as my live in nanny for the day and taking care of the kids while I was catching up with my buddies about the good old days at Cerritos. After they left we decided that it was still really nice out and we should go swimming. This was Joanne and Charlotte's second time in the pool.

My sister took both kids out while I went upstairs to change. By the time I got down, Joanne was holding a very fussy Griffin and we decided it was time for him to take a short little power nap. So back upstairs I went to change him and put him in his crib. When I got back downstairs Charlotte and Joanne were already in the pool and I just couldn't wait to get on my massive pool lounger and just relax. This is where the first problem started. I ALWAYS take the kids in the pool ME... not someone else. I ALWAYS do the same thing the same way...bathing suit, sun block, floaties and then enjoy the water. Well, this time...that didn't happen. Looking back now, I can remember that Charlotte didn't have her floaties on but it didn't actually register. I can see her in that white bathing suit with pink roses clearly without her floaties but I didn't even think to remind her about the rules. I WAS OUT OF IT. Maybe the reason  I didn't notice was because she was using her brother's little boat floatie (which she has used many times before but always with floaties on as well)--anyway, my sister clearly remembers telling Charlotte that once I come outside, she needs to put her floaties on, but soon forgot that when I came down ready to chit chat about all our usual nonsense.
The last memory I have of Charlotte before the near drowning accident, is her standing on our very large reef step trying to wedge out her legs from the obviously too small boat. She was taking off the boat and it still didn't register with me that she had no other form of pool safety equipment on.

Joanne and I were both on similar pool loungers and we were holding each others feet so that we wouldn't drift off from one another. And we were doing what those loungers are designed to do...float and turn from side to side. Then in a moment of pure terror I felt the urge to look behind me because things were eerily quiet. There she was in about 4 feet of water face down sinking closer to the bottom and completely lifeless and blue. I will never EVER be able to escape from that image. I remember a few things after that...I remember screaming NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! and Joanne, unable to see her because of the floatie started screaming uncontrollably. (that's another thing I can't seem to shake from memory---those blood curdling screams that were our way of trying to wake up from this nightmare.) Reflecting back to that very moment and hearing my sister's horrible screams really freaked me out. With every scream I heard I was becoming more and more fearful that it was too late to save her and that my sister knew that and I was just not ready to accept it. The next thing I remember is me grabbing Charlotte (who was as limp as a rag doll) and giving her to my sister while I ran in the house to call 911. Looking back, I feel guilty that I wasn't the one to hold her and try and revive her (it's weird, it's as though I couldn't look at her, like I needed someone else to do the dirty work because I was not strong enough to try and revive her myself.) She was unconscious, non responsive, and blue---As I'm running in the house many things went through my mind and I felt like I was running in a big jar of molasses. I felt like I was running as fast as I could and yet I couldn't reach the house. During this run that seemed to last an eternity I pictured 3 key events in quick fragments. I pictured me telling my sweet Raresh that our Charlotte is dead because of me, I pictured standing before both sets of grandparents and telling them their grand daughter is gone because of me, and then I pictured her funeral and having to tell an entire room of loved ones that it was my carelessness that took away this precious little girl. All those images flooding through my mind as I'm picking my self up from taking a major fall in the house from not drying off and trekking in all this water, all those real images of seeing her face down as I'm dialing 911---screaming and pleading ...."PLEASE LORD don't let this happen!" As I'm waiting for the dispatcher to come on the phone I make my way back outside only to see my sister screaming and trying to revive her. She's yelling things like..."I don't know what to do" and then acting on what she remembered. She pumped her chest once, blew in her mouth twice and put her on her side and water began to come out of her mouth. Then Charlotte threw up a couple times and her eyes began rolling in her head. Then in her discomfort, confusion and disorientation she began screaming and crying and we continued our wailing. I threw the phone to my sister and grab Charlotte in my arms and she vomits again and continues to cry. I sit on the ground because I feel my legs give out and I hold her and ask her to tell me who she is and who I am and she doesn't respond, she doesn't even make eye contact. At this point, I knew she was going to live but I feared she would never be the same.

As I'm holding her bawling waiting for 911 to show---my sister sits next to us holding us and yelling, "It's my fault! It's my fault!" I'm yelling and pleading to Jesus, "Please Lord if you have to take her please not like this! Please, I beg you...not like this!" It's so weird what you remember and what is foggy.

Finally 911 show up and they take her in the house and she's hysterical and they try to check her, and they begin to all ask me questions and I'm ready to barf and I can't remember and I'm still terrified and I just want to hold her and I'm trying to calm down and I remember the paramedic telling me..."Mom...mom...she's screaming...she's crying...these are good signs...this is good...she's okay...the worst is over" But how did he know that? She still had yet to say anything or look at me. They told me she needed to go to ER to check for extensive damage and my sister brought me clothes and I get in the ambulance and we go to ER. By now, I'm trying to calm my sweet Charlotte down. I'm in mom mode. I use every trick that normally works and lo and behold she begins responding. She was captivated by my singing the songs she begs me to sing that I normally do with hesitation (because if any of you know my Charlotte...you do something once and she says AGAIN over and over) But this time...I would have given my life to hear her say, "again". Once on our way, the paramedic Aaron (bless his heart) kept telling me how great we did, how she's doing great, how he can't hear wheezing in the lungs (which is a great sign), how the monitors she was hooked up with were indicating that she was perfect. Charlotte fell asleep for about 10 minutes and he just let me cry.

Our arrival to the ER is what woke her up and she was very upset about the oxygen tube around her nose--which again was another way of God showing me, she's a typical kid. Who wants that on their face? We get inside and she's still very scared and she's now asking for me. Once we are in our room, they let me get in the bed and hold her. I did that for 40 minutes and I could feel her heart beating and her breathing become normal and I was at peace. I felt God's comfort in that moment. As we were waiting for them to take us to Xray and as I was telling the billionth person what happened (what I remembered) Charlotte slowly started behaving like that sweet kid she is. All her questions started up. She was obsessed with why the old lady across from us was at the hospital. This was our conversation:
C-Mama, what happened to that lady?
Me-I don't know, honey.
C-But tell me, what happened to her?
M-Maybe she fell down.
C-Where did she fall?
M-Well, I don't know.
C-But where?
M-At the park.
C-Why did she fall at the park?
M-She tripped,
C-What did she trip on?
M-A rock.
C-Why did she trip on the rock?
M-Because she wasn't careful.
C- Oh okay.

MUSIC to my ears! It was as though the Lord was showing me--she's perfectly okay. During the chest Xray, she was asking the tech a million questions, taking about all the shapes in the room, even saying her famous, "Act natural"--instead of saying "Cheese" when they were ready to take her picture/xray.

Then the Doctor basically reassured me she is absolutely perfect and we were free to go.

Raresh had to rush home from his commitment at the Base and I had to tell him what happened. My sister called him while I was in the ambulance and she was very brief and told him the most important info, i.e.--"she fell in the pool, she's okay, but 911 was called. Come home." I was a mess when it came time to tell him. He was as wonderful as he always is and said exactly what I needed to hear.

The only thing left was to inform our family and friends of what happened. I had to keep talking about it and reliving it to try and make it less real. I did that for 2 days. It wasn't until after I told the grandparents, face to face that I started to feel better. The sermon on Sunday was about trusting God when we are in a state of bewilderment. I was reminded that God's plans are never by accident. That every single thing we experience is all because God allows it and purposes it in our lives. It was exactly what I needed. It was as though it was spoken directly to me.

Since the accident, we have not gone in the pool. It's only been 2 days and today is the day we will go.  I have forced myself to look out at that pool and to not be afraid, because God is in control and God allowed this in our life. Whether or not I get it, it had to happen this way. I ask Charlotte about what happened and all she says, "I fell in the pool and I went down, but you took me out." I'm not sure she actually remembers I took her out. I think she has heard me tell the story enough times now. Every time I do tell the story and I start to cry, she asks, "Mommy, why are you crying?" and my response is, "Because I got scared, but now I'm crying because I'm so happy God protected you. He loves us so much."

Charlotte does not appear to be afraid of the water, but I guess I won't really know until we attempt a pool trip.

Well...those are the details of the ordeal. The horrible horrible details. Up until just now, I've been constantly wondering why God chose to spare her life and not some other child who this happened to. I can sit here and make myself crazy, but the answer to that question is simply this...our Creator knows the exact moment we are born and the exact time and place we will die and it just wasn't her time to go.

So here I sit, reflecting on what could have been and just send praises to my Lord and Savior! This was God's way of reminding me how precious life is and that my sweet kids are just borrowed and ultimately belong to Him. Thank you Lord for sparing her, thank you for all the support, thank you for the wake up call. Really...I guess I'm saying thank you for all of it --the good and the bad-- because it's all from you!